Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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