before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
