The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
