i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
