At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
