This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
