I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
