wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize