He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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