My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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