This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
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