There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
