i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Randomize
