Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize