do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
