at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
