I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
