I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
