Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
