that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
