I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
