omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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