i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
True strength comes from lack of pants
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
