Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
