i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
