Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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