WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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