Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
we should paint friendship bongs
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