Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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