She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
