Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
