I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
