If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
