That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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