Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
