Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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