She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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