So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
