Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
