I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize