I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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