I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
As shirtless as possible
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
