does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
kristin has been a bad kristin
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
