Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
