just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
