Is it normal to miss your booty call?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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