Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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