do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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