is your mom at the bar?
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize