my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize