I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
