Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
