Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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