where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize