How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
