Just cropdusted the office
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize