I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
