you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
