I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
