There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
She has the best kind of daddy issues
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
