He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
