Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
