I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
