And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
