Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
