dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
