You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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