eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
