when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
