hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
