Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
