Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
