dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize
