Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
