then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
