Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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