Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
