He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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