My boss' voice literally gives me gas
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
