I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
