Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize