Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
