Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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