Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I look better un-naked...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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