A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
