and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
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