i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Im part way to drunk.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
