you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
