Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
