Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
