I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
