I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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