she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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