I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize