Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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