i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
