I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
