got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
