im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
