last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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