well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize