My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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