Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize