ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
