How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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